if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
