Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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