I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
