I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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