just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
