Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
