do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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