the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His nipple licking is glorious
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