pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
