I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
