There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
