So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize