So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
