We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
