I bet he comes in French.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
