My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
