he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
