sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
