I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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