I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we're so committed to being not committed
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