So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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