First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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