thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
