peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
