he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
