every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
