You really coming over, don't trick.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
