I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize