he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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