So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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