I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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