Someone shit on the floor
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He kissed a someone with a penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
