I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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