there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
