I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
