Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
