Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
