Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
