Are we in a gay sports bar?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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