I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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