i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
