guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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