That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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