Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
