If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
