then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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