His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
