I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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