I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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