Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
