i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was like eating out sand paper
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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