i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I supernannyed him into submission
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
