and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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