you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
