I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
