I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I want a musical about memes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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