Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
