The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
