Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
