I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
