I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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