is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
As shirtless as possible
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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