Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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