i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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