How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
