When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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