Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
where are my eyebrows?
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