omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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